**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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