Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
