One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
