There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
