matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
