I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
