My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
