And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
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Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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