No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
