I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i love accidental penises.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
