You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
