Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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