my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
