Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do vagina's smell?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
