Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
