your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
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I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
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