I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
