Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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