just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
