you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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