He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
