sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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