You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
