I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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