"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
