I accidentally had phone sex last night
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
