we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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