girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So many bounce houses so little time
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
