Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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