I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
