I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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