I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
