fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
