From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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