Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We got so high we made milksteak
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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