2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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