There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
