I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
