A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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