Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
