it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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