you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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