I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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