Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
