my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
