is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There r osticjed everywhere
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
