question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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