..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
