We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
