her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
