Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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