One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
