That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
