That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
