i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
