Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
