i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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