I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
