Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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