I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
