Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
