I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
