i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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