Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I forget how to act sober
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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