i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
