I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
