my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
