I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
