Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
