he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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