You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
