just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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